Just an update

A few days ago, Marie visited me. It's been nearly a decade since I last saw her. Sometimes, it's really good to catch up on things with someone you've known for a very long time. She has a cute little dog named Sara (sic). But for me, her visit brought up something I've been thinking about for awhile, and that's the point that sometimes it's so easy to let go of the past because we allow ourselves to become too busy in the present.

That's my situation these days. I came back to California because I missed my past. But now that I'm back, I can't seem to find the time to reconnect with the people of my past. And to be honest, I'm not doing anything of any real significance in my present that should constitute a barrier to recapturing the manifestations of the past.

And I guess that's what leads to those passive thoughts. I don't know what I'm doing. I really don't. I am studying for a graduate degree in communication, but for no real reason in particular. Oh sure, people remind me that I'll be able to teach in communication, but so what? I want to be a writer, but I can't seem to make that career happen for me. And that just makes things worse because people, when they hear that complaint, put "writing" in a category of "hobby" rather than occupation, and they think that for me (because it would be that way for them) writing is just a side activity that's like playing a computer game. To them, it has no purpose other than self-gratification.

I got older last week. Yes, it was a birthday, and all birthdays seem to do for me these days is remind me that I've done nothing really significant with my life. I don't even really have a significant other in my life. Hell, I don't even have a dog. I had a plant, but he ran away.

I'm starting to look for a job now because I realize that if I don't have one before summer, I'm really screwed. I don't have the money to survive through summer, or even into summer for that matter. And if I don't find something soon, I really don't know what I'm going to do. So far, I haven't had a moment to even focus on finding a job. My life seems to be at the beck and call of other people who I haven't actually accepted as controllers of my time and destiny. Yet, even when I tried to take ONE WEEKEND to myself, my phone never stopped ringing, my email never stopped sending me "important" messages and people kept trying to pile on more work for me to do when all I wanted was ONE FREAKING WEEKEND to myself. I didn't even get it. Because people succeeded in piling on more crap for me to do when all I wanted was one FREAKING weekend to myself.

Stumble It!