My Craigslist vice
I'll admit it. I spend a great deal of time reading the "women seeking men" posts on the Craigslist site for San Francisco. I'd read it for Grand Rapids, but so few people post there that it's not worth the look.
What strikes me as quite interesting is this tendency for a common dialogue to happen. I'll describe it here:
Girl: I am looking for someone real, who doesn't play games, is intelligent and isn't interested in just a cute Barbie who's perfect in every way.
Now, this sounds fine. But then the post usually adds one of the following processes:
"Would also like someone who is only 6 feet tall, has long flowing hair, looks like Fabio, has so much money that Bill Gates is jealous, doesn't mind that I'm either a) currently in prison, b) have 94 kids, c) would be diagnosed as schizophrenic if I hadn't stabbed the examiner in the head with a pair of scissors, or d) all of the above."
Now, when I have actually found a great profile, I'll send a friendly small message, and I get zero response whatsoever. Then a few days later, that SAME person will write a new profile asking why she can never find anybody.
My favorite was one who actually responded. She wrote a profile that claimed men were only after her for her physical attributes, didn't appreciate her for her humor and her intelligence but only in her looks. So, I thought, wow, this is someone who is more of my liking, someone who is intelligent and has a sense of humor. So I wrote. She asked for more information, with kind of a detailed request of specific information. Then she wrote back after I gave her what she asked for and said: "Sorry, I'm looking for someone who is at least 6'3". She was 5' even, by the way.
Usually this is the part of the post where someone just says he's giving up, that there are no real women out there, or they're all nuts. And yes, I am beginning to believe all that, but I still find myself going through the Craigslist postings, looking for people, finding one or two who actually sounds really great. I don't respond that much anymore because no one ever responds back to me, making me think there are too many guys actually trolling that board with agendas to score rather to find someone for long term.
But it leaves me concerned because I don't really think I'm going to find anyone in the real world because it just never seems to happen. I'm the "good friend" to too many women, and as an online female friend of mine likes to constantly point out to me: I'm the safe friend, and the real issue is that they're NOT interested in me, even if they say stuff like "I wish I could find someone like you." You hear that complaint from a lot of guys these days. I think it's a misinterpretation for a lot of guys because I've been there and I've misinterpreted it many times. When I hear the "I love you as a friend" or some variation thereof, I now interpret that as "I have no desire to date you and am looking for something better." Yeah, it's kind of negative attitude to have, but honestly having that attitude doesn't really change anything. I'm still alone, and I'm still not getting anywhere with any of the women I know and have known in my life.
I guess this is one of the many reasons I have this desire to return to California. I didn't have this problem there. That doesn't mean I won't have it after I go back, but for some reason, the day my car stopped at the first Michigan gas station, I became an enigma to dating, or perhaps a "leper" is a better description. I always felt that in California I could really be myself. I can't do that here. Being myself in a very tight waddish area of the country is dangerous. I even had one student try to "out" me because my lifestyle was different than the usual paradigm. The fact that she didn't get anywhere with that approach only made her more upset, causing her to actually try to get me into some kind of trouble, not realizing my life is much less of a secret than she suspected.
Never had that sort of problem in California. I guess that's why I peruse the San Francisco Craigslist community and wouldn't peruse a Grand Rapids one even if there was one. I don't fit in here, and I don't think I ever will.
Stumble It!
What strikes me as quite interesting is this tendency for a common dialogue to happen. I'll describe it here:
Girl: I am looking for someone real, who doesn't play games, is intelligent and isn't interested in just a cute Barbie who's perfect in every way.
Now, this sounds fine. But then the post usually adds one of the following processes:
"Would also like someone who is only 6 feet tall, has long flowing hair, looks like Fabio, has so much money that Bill Gates is jealous, doesn't mind that I'm either a) currently in prison, b) have 94 kids, c) would be diagnosed as schizophrenic if I hadn't stabbed the examiner in the head with a pair of scissors, or d) all of the above."
Now, when I have actually found a great profile, I'll send a friendly small message, and I get zero response whatsoever. Then a few days later, that SAME person will write a new profile asking why she can never find anybody.
My favorite was one who actually responded. She wrote a profile that claimed men were only after her for her physical attributes, didn't appreciate her for her humor and her intelligence but only in her looks. So, I thought, wow, this is someone who is more of my liking, someone who is intelligent and has a sense of humor. So I wrote. She asked for more information, with kind of a detailed request of specific information. Then she wrote back after I gave her what she asked for and said: "Sorry, I'm looking for someone who is at least 6'3". She was 5' even, by the way.
Usually this is the part of the post where someone just says he's giving up, that there are no real women out there, or they're all nuts. And yes, I am beginning to believe all that, but I still find myself going through the Craigslist postings, looking for people, finding one or two who actually sounds really great. I don't respond that much anymore because no one ever responds back to me, making me think there are too many guys actually trolling that board with agendas to score rather to find someone for long term.
But it leaves me concerned because I don't really think I'm going to find anyone in the real world because it just never seems to happen. I'm the "good friend" to too many women, and as an online female friend of mine likes to constantly point out to me: I'm the safe friend, and the real issue is that they're NOT interested in me, even if they say stuff like "I wish I could find someone like you." You hear that complaint from a lot of guys these days. I think it's a misinterpretation for a lot of guys because I've been there and I've misinterpreted it many times. When I hear the "I love you as a friend" or some variation thereof, I now interpret that as "I have no desire to date you and am looking for something better." Yeah, it's kind of negative attitude to have, but honestly having that attitude doesn't really change anything. I'm still alone, and I'm still not getting anywhere with any of the women I know and have known in my life.
I guess this is one of the many reasons I have this desire to return to California. I didn't have this problem there. That doesn't mean I won't have it after I go back, but for some reason, the day my car stopped at the first Michigan gas station, I became an enigma to dating, or perhaps a "leper" is a better description. I always felt that in California I could really be myself. I can't do that here. Being myself in a very tight waddish area of the country is dangerous. I even had one student try to "out" me because my lifestyle was different than the usual paradigm. The fact that she didn't get anywhere with that approach only made her more upset, causing her to actually try to get me into some kind of trouble, not realizing my life is much less of a secret than she suspected.
Never had that sort of problem in California. I guess that's why I peruse the San Francisco Craigslist community and wouldn't peruse a Grand Rapids one even if there was one. I don't fit in here, and I don't think I ever will.
Stumble It!
posted by Duane @ 9:18 AM
2 Comments:
At 7:47 AM,
Anonymous said…
You might like to know that the Constitution does not say "Innocent Until Proven Guilty." The Constitution actually says; "Innocent UNLESS proven guilty." Now, that makes more sense doesn't it? (I mean, as far as the policy behind the statement goes.) I have quoted The fifth Amendment for you below.
"No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury"
At 10:30 AM,
Duane said…
The term comes from a Supreme Court case in 1894, Coffin v. US. Justice Edward Douglas White indicated it dates back to the Roman historian Ammianus Marcellinus and texts from the Justinian's Digest and Code, along with several papal references.
The phrase has been used in common American speech ever since.
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