We had an earthquake this evening

I believe it was a 5.6 earthquake, and it happened while I was at speech and debate practice. Marlin had just poked his head into the room where I was holding practice on some individual events, and then the world started to shake. Emily thought it was the static from the television behind her making a strange noise. The quake lasted a few moments, and then my equilibrium was off for a short bit.

It had been a long time since I had been in an earthquake. Not that I've missed them, but at least it didn't do any damage of which I have been informed.

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The new apartment is kind of nice

Here are some pictures of my new apartment. They ran the credit check, and all was fine, so I should be moving in on the 10th of next month. And it's really nice. Just look at the pictures. Plus, I live alone. Well, me and a whole bunch of neurotic stuffed animals, but alone nonetheless.

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Apartment hunting

I looked at a really nice studio apartment today. It was secluded and had a nice little garden yard. Let's just say it was really nice. I've decided I'm going to put in the application for it. It's a little more expensive than what I'm paying now, but I really don't feel comfortable living where I am right now.

My landlord contacted me by email today (in which he contacted my roommate as well) indicating he wanted to set up a meeting tonight for us to discuss the situation with all of us present. I'm not sure I care anymore.

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The Passive-Aggressive Roommate, or whatever the hell seems to be her problem....

I currently have 3 roommates. I used to get along with all three of them. Then about a month ago, my first roommate just stopped talking to me. At all. I'd see her in the kitchen and say hi, and I'd receive absolutely no response. None. Zip. Nada. Tried to talk to her a few times, but received no response from her. None. Zip. Nada. The other two are fine. No change in behavior.

Well, it wouldn't be so bad, but this non-talkative roommate is the one who lives right next to me, so it's almost like a cold air runs through the room every time I come in contact with her. Or like the air has gone completely out of the room for no reason. Most weekends her boyfriend stays over in her room, and I'll see him in the hallway, and he'll say hi, as if everything is fine. But she won't say shit. No words. None. Zip. Nada.

At one point, she was borrowing my portable dvd player. She never actually returned it to me. So last night when I ran into her in the kitchen and said "howdy" to which I received ZERO response. None. Zip. Nada. I then decided "fuck this" and wrote her a note stating:

Sarah:
For reasons I have never understood, you haven't spoken to me in a month. I think tonight was what finally made me realize things are never going to improve, no matter what I do.

Please return my DVD player. It doesn't feel appropriate being loaned out to you any further; I had done so as an act of friendship some time ago.

There are too many devastating problems in my own life to deal with this kind of crap for no reason.

I won't make any further attempts at trying to befriend you further as the infamous definition of insanity is to continue doing th esame thing over an dover while hoping for different results.

I will probably be talking to (our landlord) about leaving soon after my lease expires (in November), so whatever problem you have with me will soon disappear.

Duane

Her response was tucked under my door when I returned from work today:

Sounds good - I was going to ask if you were resigning.

Your DVD player has been in the den.

Have a nice life.

So, I'll be looking for a new place.

(an addition to this post) Looked for my dvd player and found it. Took it out of the case and it's broken. She never even bothered to mention she broke the plate off the side of the machine, but just put it back in the bag and left it in a slot in the den without ever mentioning anything. Fucking unbelievable.

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5150

From Wikipedia:

Section 5150 is a section of California's Welfare and Institutions Code (specifically, the Lanterman-Petris-Short Act or "LPS") which allows a qualified officer or clinician to involuntarily confine a person deemed a danger to himself, herself, and/or others^[1] and/or gravely disabled. A qualified officer, which includes any California peace officer, as well as any specifically designated county clinician, can request the confinement after signing a written declaration. When used as a term, 5150 can informally refer to the person being confined or to the declaration itself.

Ever gone to see a counselor because things aren't going well in your life? Well, I discovered the intake person at Kaiser for counseling services does a very interesting thing when ascertaining your disposition. The intake person isn't really paying attention to what is going on in your life. He or she is more interested in questions like "Are you planning to do anything to hurt yourself?" Then they kindly set up an appointment with you that's not actually a counseling session, although it is called that. Instead, it is forty-five minutes of a psychotherapist trying to figure out whether or not to submit a 5150 claim, which would incarcerate someone as being a threat to himself or others, which they will do for 72 hours. So, if you're thinking bad, cloudy thoughts and you decide to see someone about it, be VERY CAREFUL of what you say to the intake person because that first person you see may not do a single thing to help you but will spend the entire 45 minutes (of which you still have to pay a co-pay) trying to decide whether or not to commit you.

I find that very interesting. So, if you're contemplating suicide and you don't want to be committed, DON'T TELL ANYONE AT KAISER just because you're hoping to see someone to help you find an alternative path to exploring the next day.

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Finally home

That was an extremely long tournament, starting on Thursday and ending late Sunday. Let's just say that I'm completely exhausted, and it's nice to have a few days off until the next few.

Next weekend, we'll be doing the high school tournament at UOP, so I'll be overloaded with work for that.

The next weekend after that is the UC Berkeley tournament.

The next weekend after that is the tournament we'll be hosting at UOP.

I believe that I'll finally be free after that. So to speak.

Not much else to say. Kind of got onto an Offspring kick during the tournament, so I bought two of their stronger CDs today. I also now have an I-Phone to replace the multiple items I was carrying around (a cell phone, a PDA, an MP3 player, etc.). We'll see how this works out. I'm keeping my same phone number, which means I'll have to pay a discharge fee to Verizon, but I didn't like the choices they were giving me for an upgrade phone, and I was really disliking the phone I had from them. Again, we'll see how this works out.

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Gone for a few days

I'll be coaching at a debate tournament in San Diego this weekend, so I'll be gone at least until Monday.

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Thesis committee

Well, the paperwork has been signed off today for my thesis committee. The three professors I want on my committee all signed off on joining. This means that my comprehensives should be coming around the corner, and then I will start putting together my thesis proposal. I will be doing my thesis as a rhetorical criticism (most likely) and it will cover the agit-train phenomenon through its evolution to mass dissemination by using the events of the August 1991 Soviet coup.

Fun, fun!

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Inspection

This is a new poem in its first draft for my book of poetry, License to Quill by Davina Marconis, as found by Duane Gundrum

Inspection

At the crack of dawn
Begins the daily roll call
Like a mother pigeon
Taking inventory from the night’s losses
I inspect the ranks of the missing
For the missing
The night losses
The recently injured
The survivors
Future casualties

There’s Harold
His perch at the BART entrance
Always a smile
Greeting passer-bys with a
“Morning, Ossifer!”
When I first met him
He told me he had dreams
“Gonna find my place!”
Now he only smiles
When I ask him if he’s still
Looking for his place
He says he’s happy
…Not there
…But happy
And no longer looking
One more needle mark
In his arm
Means not having to worry
About stuff like that

There’s Muriel.
Was a beauty queen
Married and happy
Talks about her little boy Jimmy
How he could run and run
…and run
Faster than them all
But couldn’t run fast enough
One IED
One less Jimmy
Now she wanders the street
Looking for him
Saying he will come home
When he’s finished running
Because he always has in the past

Then there’s Danny
26 years old
And drunk all of the time
Says he can stop any time
Stopped twice last week
But why should he?
Will it change who he is?
Will it change what he is?
Ran away from home
Because he loved his best friend
It’s not a new story
When a family disowns one of its own
Ironically, he came to San Francisco
And he never fit in
In the place where anyone can fit in
Cheap alcohol is cheaper than
$200 psychiatric sessions

And finally there’s Jaime
Life of the party
Always something fun to say
Could make you laugh at a funeral
And then the notification
198 t-cells
Two below safety
She stopped laughing
Or making us laugh
And it kept dropping
Some one-night stand
Of lifetime proportions
I’d often try to comfort her
Today was not necessary
The police found her in a bathroom stall
Blood already dried over from
Where she opened her wrists

Each morning
I take inventory
Over the dispossessed
The forgotten
The abandoned
And I will do so
Until…
…someone finds me
It’s what we all share in common

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Myspace paper

The Myspace paper I wrote with Qinweng Dong and Mark Urista, "The Impact of Emotional Intelligence, self-concepts , Self-esteem, and Self-image on Romantic Communication over MySpace", is currently going through the review process before publication in CyberPsychology & Behavior. Nothing wrong with adding yet another publication to the Vita.

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The Ameriad's update

The agent is interested in The Ameriad and is now putting it through a final edit. So it's good news, but I've been down this road before, so I'm not yet ready to start holding my breath on a sale, or even on receiving actual representation. But it's a positive step forward.

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Smallville

Smallville has been one of my favorite shows for a long time. I believe this is the beginning of the 7th season, and it's still going strong. I was discussing this series with someone who didn't like it because she doesn't "like science fiction or that kid stuff", meaning she figured that because it was based off of a comic book, Superman, that it was obviously not as "important" a show as something else that might take up her television time.

I hear that kind of argumentative analysis all of the time, and I usually just brush it off, but it's been one of those things that's always bugged me because there's an elitist attitude to it that in so many cases is unwarranted. And yes, I've been guilty of it myself in the past.

But I'm talking about Smallville, and here are some thoughts that I felt were necessary for me to say. First off, the writing is extremely well constructed. As a writer, I often find myself taken aback when I come across writing of this level. There are several metaphorical allusive processes that take place with Smallville. First off, the writers have to deal with the actual plot itself, which is based on a rich literature of events that have been speculated about within both the Superman and Superboy universes. And there is also the mythology of the Superman legend that has to be dealt with but unfortunately you can't just keep telling the same story every other TV show and movie has done in the past. And then there is another completely unique level, and that's the realization that the audience has knowledge of what this young man is going to become, so all of the allusive references to his future became that much more significant.

As a writer, I can only imagine the wonder of working within such a rich universe of ideas. There are times when a story arc will run its course, and you'll see a reference to something that will be so damn important concerning Superman, but is dealt with as a proto-Superman would have to deal with in his childhood, like when the conversation comes to the future importance of this young farmer from Smallville. In only the last episode, there was a discussion at the end between his sister Kara (the future Supergirl who has appeared for the first time in this season) about how she tells him he can't hide in the farm his whole life, that he's going to have to leave and stop trying to hide those powers from the rest of the world. And someone who is watching this can only take a step back and realize the impact of those words, as this person to whom she is speaking is destined to one day be the savior of the entire world so many times that it's probably not possible to count. And then you can see the complexity in the actor's face as he takes in her words, almost as if he sees events that may happen in the future, but just isn't ready to face such responsibility that you know he will one day have to face.

And the whole dichotomy between Lex Luthor and Clark Kent is just wonderfully designed. There is a reference in the Superman comics that Luthor and Superman used to be friends, and that's pretty much all you really get out of that (other than some speculative renditions of this legend), so the show takes that friendship and shows how twisted it is and how that friendship is somewhat responsible for leading one of them to greatness and the other to complete vindictive evil.

Whenever someone tells me they dislike these kinds of shows because they're based on comic books, I just shake my head and realize what great dramatic elements they will forever miss.

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License to Quill

Currently, I'm working on a book of poetry that I'm trying to complete. Most of the poetry is finished, but now I'm trying to put the whole program together for publication. I had an idea on an original poem about a decade ago called "License to Quill" about a young girl named Davina Marconis who is on the streets of San Francisco after killing her father who was molesting her (yes, a happy story, of course; would you expect anything else from me?). She's intelligent for her youth and writes really powerful street poetry that is helping her come to terms with her destroyed life (which is what the original poem "License to Quill" does. My vision of this book of poetry is that it is the lost notebook of Davina Marconis, which is found by me and published posthumously, going against her wishes to destroy everything she wrote after she is gone, much as Galileo did during his time.

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The Exam from Hell

We took the exam yesterday, and I really felt uncomfortable taking that one because the professor never gave us any readings to start with, and basically he taught the content right off of Power Point slides. We all did the best we could, but I really don't like taking a test that I go into it wondering if I even have an inkling of what the subject matter is. And that was the problem. I don't even really know what the purpose of the course is, and we're coming on the halfway point of the course. We still don't have books.

But whatever. I'm not the only one suffering in this class. My other class is much more enjoyable, and I'm actually learning some good information from it.

Which brings me to my thesis. I've actually completed the work of putting together my thesis committee, of which Dr. Bates will be my chair, Dr. Bergman and Dr. Schamber will the other members. I've decided to continue the work on my rhetorical criticism from last year concerning the August 1991 Soviet Coup, which I used as a narrative versus counternarrative approach studying the rhetoric of Yeltsin's protest. The thesis is going to deal with the same events, but instead of focusing on narrative, I am going to develop a further thesis along the lines of explaining the dissemination methodology of Yeltsin's speech was a carryover of Agit-trains from earlier periods of Russia's history.

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Who actually reads Ann Coulter's books?

Some time ago, when she only had three books out, I read all of Ann Coulter's books just for the fun of it because I wanted to see what she was all about. I half read them out of a sense of humor, trying to insert it whenever possible, and half to see what was her deal. Then she just kept coming out with more and more garbage that essentially states: "Liberals are morons, I'm really smart, and I'm going to insult a bunch of liberals who will hate me because they're morons." Her latest book, which I saw at Costco today, is nothing but that kind of diatribe.

Which brings me to Costco. This is a place where it can be fun to shop for popular books because they're cheap, but something kind of dawned on me today. Almost EVERY nonfiction book they had was either so immensely popular (that they couldn't NOT carry it) or it was a diatribe from some outcast conservative against the left. The Laura books, the Coulter books, and a bunch of others from authors that no one has ever heard of because they're essentially nutcases with one thought in mind that is easily discerned from the book flap, if not the actual cover itself.

So, when did Costco turn into a clearing house for the radical right? I don't mean moderate conservative books, or books on political economics from a Reaganist perspective, but books that are nothing but "liberals are bad and must be sent to retraining camps" rhetoric.

And this brought me back to the subject of Coulter. Who is reading her books these days? Is her audience conservatives who feel she's representing them? If so, I worry for the conservative right, even the far right ones. Are they reading her for humor? Didn't that kind of insulting humor stop being funny around the 6th grade? Sarcasm is one thing, but nonstop insults would be like reading a book from Andrew Dice Clay (yeah, older reference...Google is your friend). Do her fans read her because they find her absurd? Then why not read the absurd leftist literature that's out there? I mean it's just as bad and much easier to find. Maybe that's it? The conservative outrageous stuff is harder to find so it's fun to read something that's more on a conservative's side, even if the conservative realizes it's ridiculous, ludicrous and just wrong? Could it be as simple as something like that?

So what does this say about Coulter and others of her ilk? Is she just clueless in believing that people believe in her, or is she a freaking marketing genius who has figured out how to sell books by pissing people off rather than actually writing good books? I think of Michelle Malkin who is often erroneously compared to Coulter because she is ALSO a conservative. Malkin writes brilliant pieces of work that she defends with scholarly facts (rather than the usual "it's in Lexis-Nexis...look it up" responses that Coulter gives, which indicates that she believes that because a newspaper carried an article that it must be true), but she's often dismissed and practically unknown by most people unless they are complaining about her because they think she's another wannabe Ann Coulter.

There seems to be a question begging to be asked here, which is: Why do women find me so attractive? Um, no, I don't think that's the question actually begging to be asked here, but I really do think it still needs work.

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The state of education as interpreted by the concept of "Calvin Ball"

One of my courses is somewhat bothersome because to be honest, I can't figure out what I'm supposed to be learning in it. Half the time, I suspect the professor is incorrect on information, and the other half of the time, I'm convinced the professor is wrong on information. Yet, I have a test coming up in the very near future, and I'm not even sure how to study for it as we have no books that have been ordered for the class (and no assignments from the books in case we're astute enough to buy our books online anyway. A few of us are getting together to study for the exam, but how do you study for something that doesn't make any sense?

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Different directions and kind, friendly PG&E guys

I went to San Francisco today (Monday) to begin participating in the kind of relationship that is the norm for me. It went very well, and it was nice to be able to interact with two women who weren't thinking of me as their coach or teacher. This is only the first day in what I hope will be many fine shared moments between us.

On another note, after I parked my car and walked to their place, I noticed there was a lot of ground work being done by PG&E crews. I saw one of them standing around, just kind of watching the action, so I asked him what was going on. He told me that they were replacing the gas lines, and this was one of the last neighborhoods in the city to be completed. He then went on to talk about the project and how it was going. As we were talking, all I could think to myself was "this is one of the most friendly people I've ever conversed with". I guess I'm getting a bit aggravated with the kind of people you find in the Stockton area, especially the administrative staff on campus. I actually found myself shocked at how nice a conversation we had. Surprisingly, I had forgotten that people can be generally nice.

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The cable company can't always be evil

My Comcast cable was giving me lots of problems, and in order to talk to someone from Comcast, I run into a really weird situation because I have a Vonage phone, which does not have a 209 area code. So, every time I try to call, the system recognizes my phone area code and transfers me to the wrong office. So I have to get transferred to that office, and then if I don't get lucky and get picked up on the first time, the voice mail system feeds me back to the original number because my phone number is linked to the correct office, meaning I end up in a continuous loop, unable to get through to my cable company.

Well, after about the fourth try, I was pretty pissed, and the person stated she would fix the problem with my cable (not with the phone thing), so I'd have to wait about 20 minutes and they'd have the signal restarted, or something like that. An hour later, I realized that nothing had been done. So I went through phone call hell again. When I finally got someone, I explained the problem and that I PLEASE needed it fixed this time because it would take me two hours of calling to get through to someone again because there's no option to actually just speak to a person. The guy helped and then for my trouble, he authorized 6 months of free service to the Starz network (one of the movie channel things). That was actually kind of cool. For the first time, I got off the phone with the cable company actually feeling okay. So, yes, the cable company is capable of miracles.

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Saw a counselor today

I went and saw a counselor at Kaiser today. It's confidential, so don't tell anyone. Really. It's confidential and no one is supposed to know. So keep it to yourselves. Hmm, I'm thinking a blog makes it really hard to keep it confidential. Perhaps I should feel fortunate that only about two people read my blog anyway.

When we were finished with the session today, she said, and I misquote: "Wow, you made me earn my money today." On a positive note, I wasn't committed, although that would have helped me plan out a more constructive weekend. So, instead I went to Wal Mart and bought some Diet Dr Pepper.

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Roommates, Cars, Women and Moving On

Over the years, I've had various roommates. Some have been okay, some have been horrific, and others were just regular. One of them was a blind Palestinian freedom fighter who dated 10,000 women and wanted me to give each one of them a different story as to why he was not "available" while he was "dating" someone else. But I digress....

I have three roommates now. All are okay. One of them I like a lot. She has a great attitude about everything, and I'll occasionally drive her to the store or to school. Another roommate I haven't seen in weeks, but his car shows up every now and then, so I know he's still living here. My other roommate is the one I've known the longest, and for some reason she's stopped talking to me. I don't know why. It's one of those things where I'll say "hi" and get one of those cold under the breath responses that don't develop into anything beyond that. So I go away thinking it must have been something I said, or did, or didn't say, or didn't do. I have this bad habit of wanting people to like me, so when I run into this sort of thing, it bugs me to no end. Strangely enough, I get along great with her boyfriend.

So, why does this bother me? Probably because lately everything has been bothering me. I don't date anymore, which leaves me lonely. I'm around people all the time, but they are arms-distance people who are in my proximity but not involved with me. So I'm essentially alone in the presence of other people.

My social networks are nonexistent. My closest friends live in El Cerrito, and I really don't have the opportunity to get to see them. I really live too far away. There's a theory in Interpersonal Communication that stems from social theory, and that's that people need intimate touch in their lives. One prominent scientist conjectured that people need 5 intimate touches a day to sustain a healthy life. I haven't been touched by anyone, aside from my physical therapist, in ages.

My life has hit a bizarre stage of frustration lately, especially concerning events that I just can't fix. This last week, out of the blue, I found out I can't register my car because the State of California says there are some problems "in Michigan" and that I needed to call "Michigan" to straighten it out. The number they gave me was to a disconnected phone, which didn't help any. I really don't know who to call or what to do about it. I don't even know what to do once I contact "Michigan" and figure it out. California won't register my car, not Michigan.

I get a nonstop avalanche or rejection letters from publishers, agents and editors. My writing career isn't happening.

Relationships haven't really worked out for me because I just live a lifestyle that's really not normal, and finding someone really hasn't been successful for me. I'm really not happy unless I'm in a relationship where I'm making my partner happy. I lived for many years thinking I was lacking in the attributes necessary to attract a partner, and now that I've managed to actually build a repertoire of skills and abilities, it seems like I'm too late, that all of my prospects have passed me by. The few women over the years to whom I would have surrendered the world for a chance to be with them never felt the same way in return. Yet, I see so much of the opposite all around me, and it makes me wonder if somehow I missed a connection in a train station I never realized I was traveling through.

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